That's Just Mean!

Yet another way to take advantage of job seekers' desperation: offer to send their resume to the top of employer searches for a fee (with the darkly implied corollary of sending resumes to the bottom if job seekers don't pay the extortion...uh, fee). Saw this kind of thing on a bunch of career posting sites:

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Dubious Honor

I just met with a recruiter or three. Sadly, the one who liked me best was the temp recruiter. And why shouldn't she love me? I'm pretty sure I'm the best temp in all of Washington, DC. This isn't a boast; it's gotta be the world's most dubious honor. How can I be everyone's very favorite temp -- a magical contractor who not only handles high-level work way outside her pay grade, but diligently performs odious, tedious tasks with care -- and still have no job offer?

And, I'm such a spazz...the recruiter told me she wouldn't even write my bottom-line salary expectation in her notes because it was too low.

I'm pretty sure the favorite-temp/salary things are related. Just a sign of my high self-esteem.

Cover Letter Hell

Writing the perfect cover letter is literally an impossible task.

Here's a some well-accepted advice on how to construct the perfect letter. You must use ALL of it. Then guess why it's so hard for me to apply for more than one job a day.

1. Write with the utmost confidence
2. Don't be arrogant
3. Describe your achievements, skills, and background...
   
4. ...without using the words "I" or "me" (I dare you)
5. Be natural and let your personality shine through
6. Maintain a formal, business-like tone
   
7. Describe in detail how your accomplishments and experience relate to the position using specific examples...
8. ...in one short paragraph
9. Start strong by using a creative rhetorical question
10. But don't use gimmicks!
11. Mention how you heard about the position
12. Don't waste your readers' time by explaining where you heard about the position

In addition to all the conflicting advice given about this agonizing task, the sample letters to guide you contain some of the most awesomely douche-tastic sentences ever conceived by man. More on that later.