Said the mother, disdaining her day.
“Do I want a sappy card, or smelly flowers?
To eat soggy brunch, on this crisp Sunday?”
But we thought – oh, she’s joking
Of course she wants our canned thanks
Our mandated praise – or maybe some Spanx!
“I’m not that kind of mummy!
My thighs are still slim!
And so is my tummy…
I’d rather be swimming laps at the gym!”
“But love it she must!
She gave birth and raised us
So she needs soggy eggs benedict
(And maybe a visit with Jaysus)”
So we tricked her with a ruse:
A boat in need of painting
Some bright work to be done
A Hinckley in need of saving!
But Mum got suspicious
When she saw the biddy-mommies in hats
Clutching giftbags stuffed with books:
Mysteries solved by cats!*
But near the café, right on the water
For jazz brunch, such a beautiful vista!
Sailed a tall-masted schooner, oh infamous ship
Steered by deadly pirates – ‘twas The Rebelista!
And swift as a sailfish swimming away
Mom flicked off her flip-flops
And bounded into the bay!
Swimming so rapidly
(those workouts really paid off!)
She made for the Rebelista
While flipping us off
“So long, fare thee well,
great bourgeois world,
I’ve had enough of this hell
And I’ll near wear heals and pearls!
Guess we shouldn’t be surprised
Mum never was conventional
But did she always wear that eyepatch?
And we never found it mentionable?
*Contrary to what my husband thinks, there really is a whole class of books that feature mysteries solved by cats. In the image shown above, the mystery actually appears to be co-authored by a cat!
